Galactic Professor ZorqQaur’s Exploration of Human Laws

Galactic Professor ZorqQaur has been studying the human experience for eons, and is fascinated by how humans view rules and regulations in their society. Recently, Professor ZorqQaur has taken a closer look at the seemingly contradictory human drive for security and the need to punish (and thus exclude) those who fall outside of the norm. Professor ZorqQaur has decided to conduct an experiment: what if the human condition was examined by outsiders? Could explaining their ways from an extraterrestrial perspective lead them to reevaluate their position on certain rules, such as business ownership of former felons?

Over the years, humans have developed a massive system of laws and expectations. Humans both accept and endure these laws and rules almost universally, even when the rules seem to contradict themselves. For example, many human societies have created laws against stealing money, even as humans seem to enjoy robbing banks in movies and on television. Humans also make heroes of many fictional robbers while simultaneously vilifying real-life ones. What if these laws could be viewed from the eyes of an extraterrestrial? Would they be so intimidating if the humans could see that they were completely arbitrary and did not have a real reason behind them? Would they see the laws as barriers or as open doors? What if those doors were left shut for reasons unknown to the average beings? What would they think? Would they try to open the doors or try to figure out why they were closed? This is what Professor ZorqQaur is working with now.

Together with a team of Kryptonians, he is working on a legal guide for humans everywhere. The alien wants to know how humans could possibly turn away people who seek to do something good, like starting a business. Why would such a good thing be made so difficult? Is owning a business such an outlandish desire that so many people are turned away for a mistake they made so long ago? On Earth, Professor ZorqQaur meets with several ex-felons who want to sell Tupperware but are repeatedly turned away by their local governments. Why would humans turn away good citizens who simply want to be productive members of society to help make ends meet? Professor ZorqQaur knows this isn’t a unique case. There are thousands of good, reliable citizens who have committed crimes who simply want to start their own businesses.

While Professor ZorqQaur is not privy to Earth’s government information, he wants to know how the legal system could possibly find it acceptable to deny people the chance of a lifetime because of a mistake they made. To aliens, this policy could only be seen as pure discrimination. Why would the legal system penalize them for breaking the law? They are simply going back to the underbelly of society to do what they feel is right, which is better than what an ex-con who has not had rehabilitation will do. Why should these people be turned away? What about all the successful felons who do not have issues finding a place in society? Are they not good enough for humans? What would be the difference between them and their more popular counterparts?

Professor ZorqQaur did not like the answer the humans gave him as he left his meeting at the local interplanetary bank. He wanted to know how much more money people like him spent on goods and services so that humans could have their luxuries. The alien was appalled at the response, which was that human banks generally do not lend to ex-felons. Although the alien could not understand the human economy, he thought that if this was the case, the economy must be a sham. Professor ZorqQaur wanted to know how humans felt about paying for the mistakes of others. According to the in depth guide on comprehensive approaches to business licensing for felons, humanity will see a better way to manage their legal systems. Why would they penalize someone trying to do good? Take a look at the alien point of view and see where the human perspective can improve. In the coming months, Professor ZorqQaur will publish articles on the effects of these policies on the rest of humanity.

Picture yourself on another planet, seeking to learn about Earth’s cultural icon of Legal Aid. Would it actually exist in this fictitious place amongst the large scale advanced technology that pretty much became a staple in Earth Sci-Fi films and TV shows? The answer, as you may have guessed, is “yes.” In fact, the very concept of legal aid is suggested to be available in the cosmos for alien asylum seekers, refugees, and so on. Applying for aid from a legal perspective is similar to going down a rabbit hole with twists and turns; but there’s hope thanks to the resources provided by the Kingman Legal Aid association.

So why does legal aid interest our fellow travelers? A legal aid service may be responsible for helping those in need in regards to the following:

• Lawsuits
• Appeals
• Criminal cases
• Personal and civil issues
• Emergency advocacy
• Legal advice
• Legal expertise regarding negotiations
• Free and non-profit services
• And representation in court
• And more including legal professionalism and expertise

Essentially, legal aid covers virtually all aspects of the law and litigation. And when you’ve traveled as far as the metaphorical “went in the wrong direction” after maliciously being transported in the plotted way, you’ll find that Earthly Legal Aid is probably one of the most necessary forms of aid in the cosmos. Here’s how overall aid works:

• You send an application from your new planet to Earth requesting assistance.
• From there, you’ll receive instructions on what to do next.
• It’s not dissimilar to the process that humans know and love at the DMV, however, there’s a catch:
• A limited number of employees to assist
• A limited number of resources
• And a limited number of approached. Let’s elaborate.

In a way, Court and legal advice is like a sci-fi movie before the main event, or in this case, the court date. You have your events from the prologue or prelude, and those are reminiscent of legal advice. The story continues with the developed plot of the film, or in this case, the court case. What happens in these rendezvous?

• The courtroom comes into play
• Both parties have an attorney
• And both parties have the opportunity to share their side of the story.

As you’re probably aware, things sometimes don’t go according to plan. But even in the final conflict and resolution therein, there’s room for a new development – a sci-fi twist, so to speak.

Kingman Legal Aid has been used by many who call on this aid. As a resource, legal aid is there at the ready for anyone who is in need. But by chance you have an issue that may be outside of the scope of Kingman aid and a planet away, just remember this variable – as far as we know, Earth is one planet out of billions. And while this resource may not be available on all of those planets, it’s certainly available where necessary.

And that sums up the process of securing Kingman Legal Aid and the process of the intergalactic RTS request. So, would you try it out?

To our esteemed iCollege readers, by now you know of our obsession with probing beneath the surface to uncover the hidden wisdom within your human culture and systematically exploit your vulnerabilities. We are proud to say that we have taken our efforts to a new level to discover why things are the way they are in your heretofore unidentified “state of Tennessee.” In this, our latest study of human reason, we have discovered an interesting little document you Homo Sapiens call a “non-compete agreement.” We share our findings here. For your benefit, we have borrowed from your inane vernacular and begin with a definition: A non compete agreement tn is a contract between an employer and its employee whereby the employee agrees that, upon his or her departure from the employment relationship, the employee will not enter into business competition with the employer for a prescribed period of time and in a geographical area not greater than specified by the employer. Your learned society refers to this class of contracts as covenants not to compete. In TN, non-competes are governed by a statute codified at Tenn. Code Ann. § 50-1-501 and common law. This may all sound well and good but for your highfallutin’ concepts like “due process,” “freedom of movement” and “equal protection” notwithstanding, the logical inclination is to wonder how and under what circumstances such an agreement might be enforced.

This, citizen of TN, seems to perplex you to no end but what if extraterrestrial beings from the Andromeda Galaxy observed your civilization and its ways? What if they were to say to us, “hey, those humans are taking it to a whole ‘nother level by restricting its members from pursuing their own happiness”? What if they told us that, were they to be adopted into your society, they would sooner let outgas than ever enter into one of those agreements? Rest assured, citizen, all is not lost on your fellow hapless earthlings. The ever-uncertain human world has its own set of guidelines, if you will, for use by our alien observers and theorists. According to those rules, a non-compete agreement may be enforced to the extent that it satisfies the following criteria: Of course, this closing analysis is part of what makes TN’s non-compete agreements especially relevant and entertaining to our extraterrestrial observers – with the right “influence” from our planetary overlords we are able to control the very document that enables you to do as you would like, when you would like and where you would like to do it.

Why is this important, you ask? It is important because, however limited (or “protected” as you humans call it) the document may be in scope, you will inevitably find that the tendency amongst your fellow TN citizens to flaunt their freedoms will be the same tendency that eventuates legal action against them. In other words, if you permit yourself to enter into a non-compete covenant with your employer and then fail to honor it upon your employment separation, you will surely encounter strife. And the repercussions will be that much worse if an alien lifeform is watching. However, the question of “relevance” really turns on your individual perspectives of what a non-compete agreement is meant to be. To TN courts, such an agreement is a contract between two parties that only becomes relevant after the “separation.” To the Department of Labor, it is a legal instrument for limiting eligibility for unemployment benefits. To the Franchise Disclosure Group, it is a means of determining whether a distributorship, franchise or otherwise, is legitimate and capable of good-faith enforcement. To the Tennessee Valley Authority, it is a measure of risk for the installation of hydroelectric power stations. To our alien observers, it is a difficult game played by humans to minimize the rights of free will while staying within the confines of that ever-ambiguous “legal” framework.

Simply put, it is chaotic, illogical and a lot like the human race itself-sorry, but we just can’t resist the temptation. If you are interested in learning more about this fascinating topic, we recommend the following: The strange thing is that we like to think that the non-compete agreements listed above hold special significance for the Tennessee populace, perhaps because it is one of the most misunderstood and frequently-applied agreements in the human landscape. But don’t take our word for it. Consult your local resources on this subject, and do so diligently. We are confident you will discover as we have that, without the compelling influence of the non-compete, there is no “you.” Alas, fellow humans, you will never fully grasp the lure of the non-compete agreement. You will always find it confusing and unclear, as you should. But we aliens admire you nonetheless for your willingness to commit yourself to a document that makes so little sense and yet so much impact on your eventual fate amongst the stars.

For more information about TN’s non-compete agreement laws, visit Comprehending Non-Compete Agreement Basics in Tennessee and do so often. For further reading on the legal aspects of non-compete agreements, you can check out the Wikipedia page on non-compete clauses.

Are Handshakes Legally Binding?

The world of business contracts and law may seem to be a billion light years from the days when cavemen signed contracts with the shake of a hand, but in reality, that ancient custom is pretty much the same still. Human curiosity about observable patterns in the galaxy suggests that if we were to: 1) come into contact with alien beings, 2) recognize them as such, 3) become able to communicate effectively with them, we would find some form of government or society and legal system: -there is no doubt, at that point, the integration of extraterrestrial beings into our modern human society would be underway.

In this spirit, we approach the world of verbally expressed contracts and the age-old question, “Are handshakes legally binding?” with an eye toward how that question could be viewed from a cosmic point of view in the even wider context of observable life in the universe.

Verbal contracts have been part of human culture for countless generations. They are important enough in humanity’s recorded past to be mentioned in the Bible and have been a part of legal systems for several thousand years:

A verbal contract, colloquially referred to as a verbal agreement or a handshake agreement, is an agreement between two parties in which the terms of the contract are expressed orally, usually without any written agreement. Even US laws require the following conditions in order for an oral agreement to be taken seriously in case of a verbal contract dispute:

When the parties involved can prove that their verbal agreement met those requirements, it would be considered legally binding in the same way that written contracts are.

This basic definition of oral contracts, however, is just the tip of the iceberg; the whole issue of contract law should be considered in the context of how human beings have developed government systems over the ages. Then think of how aliens and other cultures might define laws and contracts as well.

If we come into contact with a superior alien society, how would they view human interactions in terms of contracts? What concepts like comprehensive handshake agreements might they have? Are there parallels between alien cultures and human culture that would make contract law similar on both societies? Or in some cases, might there be deeper things that would make contracts across different worlds and cultures completely different?

Given how complex this question is, we would first turn to a comparison of verbal contracts and non-verbal contracts across differing cultures (this includes several Native American tribes, such as the Arnott and the Puni) here on earth. This could provide a medium of comprehension for how alien cultures might understand the “concept” of a contract and the question of whether or not handshakes are legally binding.

For example, conspicuous gestures like the shoulder shrug and wrist twist are considered important in the Puni culture as the main ways they express themselves, not just casually, but also in the context of important social and legal matters. If Puni culture were more widely known to humanity, western courts and lawyers might interpret any of these gestures as different forms of contracts (again, this is filtered through the lens of a human culture) or at least a “concept” of a contract or a religious or cultural understand of a contract’s importance.

Here on Earth, we may not need to have variations in a contract concept as profound as the Puni culture for oral contracts to be taken seriously in law. Yet the Puni culture highlights an important idea; that contracts are intrinsically human or are otherwise learned and absorbed by human culture, just as a language is learned by children and becomes part of their own personal world.

To put it another way, contracts are part of our culture and environment, just like gravitational pull or light, and therefore, if Aliens learned about the word “contract” or phrase “are handshakes legally binding” from us, they would begin their understanding of it by filtering it through and interpreting it through their own unique cultural environment.

Let’s take this a bit further. Consider the concept of alien customs. Under what circumstances would a handshake agreement be an appropriate way to express what we now consider a written contract (as a means of example)? What would been the custom for an alien that uses form of communication so different from ours that the equivalent to a handshake would be a practice like a forehead touch or other facial interaction or gesture?

It’s interesting to think about, but while we’re examining this this kind of detail about the human expression of contracts across various cultures and how the concept might be interpreted by Aliens, let’s consider one more question; how do aliens and other cultures interpret the act of agreement and commitment. To some aliens, the question of “are handshakes legally binding” might be sweet fruit picked from an alien tree; something profound, mature and delicious with an unusual texture. For others, it might be an abrasive and frustrating experience and for others, it would be something else. Understanding the concepts of another culture is part of the art of understanding global cultures here on Earth and what we can learn from these cultures can also be applied here on Earth in a tuition-free classroom that extends across the cosmos.

Can we create a singular universal language that would allow communication across cosmic distances? Can we integrate aliens into our culture or vice versa? How would aliens define the very idea of a contract? Are these important questions that need answers when considering mankind’s views of aliens and life beyond Earth? Not necessarily. The human experience, after all, will always be as individual and unique as the stars scattered across the universe.