Attention iCollege readers: an alien anthropologist from deep space has selected our blog to share what he’s learned about knife laws on Earth! We asked him a few questions, and here’s what he had to say.
iCcollege: Thanks for coming. We are pleased to have you with us. What is your name?
Alien: I possess many names in your culture. But I think you humans refer to me as Krendor.
iCcollege: Ah yes. We have definitely heard of you.
Alien: Good. Then I can get right to the meat of the matter.
iCcollege: Meats are outlawed on my world too.
Alien: For good reason I’m sure. We do what we can here on Earth to support animals and their right not to be killed for food. This involves efforts such as vegetables.
iCcollege: Let’s get to the point. What can you tell us about knife laws in Delaware?
Alien: I’ve done a comprehensive overview and found that Delaware knife laws are remarkably lenient. Civilized human beings may not have knives on school property in these states, but the Delaware law specifically states that knives in most other situations are lawful to possess.
iCcollege: On our world, I am the messenger for those laws there; I move between states and spread civil messages.
Alien: Similarly, knife laws in Delaware are only broken, even in the slightest, if a person knowingly was in possession of a deadly weapon with an intent to injure or kill another person. Automobiles are deadly weapons under the law if you act with intent to harm others. I would recommend using knives as tools, but not for harming humans.
iCcollege: We have found a sense of humor, then, in your perspective.
Alien: Certainly. I appreciate that most Earth species have a sense of humor, even if you do some things that are considered quite strange.
iCcollege: Let me guess: there are some strange things on your world. I can only imagine.
Alien: Yes. Highly differentiated speech patterns, varying accuracies and varied tendencies toward violence and over-consumption. But this is not the subject at hand. Knife law in Delaware, as I said before, is quite clear. A person may not use a “dangerous knife” with the intent to come in contact with others for “purposes of injury.”
iCcollege: All humans are official on Delaware law, or just some?
Alien: The law applied similarly to all mammals, including a certain segment of your population known as lawyers. Senators, mayors and governors also fall into the category of prohibited weapon-possessors in Delaware. I’m not sure why humans can’t simply avoid the use of dangerous knives to ensure safety and balance on Earth. Adherence to law is a surprising and highly enforced human trait, and I’m not sure why.
iCcollege: The obvious question: what do aliens find ironic about humans?
Alien: Humans, for the most part, will do anything to survive, including eliminating others. Humans do so through a military system, a police system and various intrigues. Y’see, this is something in which I wholly participate. When a gun is pointed at someone on your world, humans rarely adhere to laws and often respond with “stand and deliver.” The other human collapses in response to the weapon. It would prove much more interesting, to me anyway, if humans added “STAND AND RECYCLE!” to the end of that command. I suspect many humans would recycle their battered bodies.
iCcollege: As if that were a standard directive.
Alien: Standard directives are categorized into two types: ones that humans enact, and ones that they enforce upon themselves. Humans do a great job of repeating what they hear and following the letter of the law. It’s paradoxical that a human can believe certain weights of cannabis should be legal without restriction, yet still follow rules and not risk stiff penalties for having a cannabis plant in his front yard. You abide by the rules too well.
iCcollege: You are correct in your assumption that the average human would not wish for a cannabis plant to grow in his front yard.
Alien: Indeed. So humans, even fallen under the law of Delaware knife laws, will ignore rules that they choose. It’s a doubly paradoxical situation: Humans – Follow law. Humans – Ignore law.
iCcollege: Very interesting. Do you have any thoughts about specific knife laws?
Alien: There are many to review, and many situations to consider. I would advise everyone to think deeply about concepts like “dangerous knives” and “deadly weapons” and “cockfighting blades” (yes, it’s a real thing, apparently!). To wit: “No person shall intend to cause serious injury to another by means of a knife or other dangerous instrument, and shall use the knife or dangerous instrument in furtherance of the intent.” Sounds simple enough! Just don’t hurt anybody.
iCcollege: Tell us more about Delaware knife laws. We have time.
Alien: Of course. Chapter 5 defines knife as: “any bladed implement, including, but not limited to, razor blades, and shall include “dirk,” “dagger,” “stiletto,” “switchblade,” “stealth knife,” or “gravity knife,” or similar knife, poisoned blade, or any knife designed to conform to the hand, with a blade fitted into a hand grip.”
iCcollege: You told me once that humans are legal weasels in a full moon.
Alien: Perhaps something like that. There are knives and “dangerous knives” and knives used maliciously for combat. Those may not be serious crimes, but many do find themselves on the wrong side of Delaware knife laws. Laws are not the same in all states. I’d put my money on Delaware knife laws over most others.
iCcollege: What do you mean by “most others”? What is a comparable example on Earth?
Alien: I’ve studied Pennsylvania knife laws and find them no comparison to those in Delaware. Despite the many exceptions for deadly weapons, no one specifies what “jousting stick” or “blow gun” might be. I have not taken a personal liking to “dagger,” “dirk,” “stiletto,” and “switchblade,” and none of my people have ever seen a “poisoned blade” or “stealth knife.” Different parts of your planet are quite puzzling.
iCcollege: We have only glimpsed a portion of you world.
Alien: Indeed. Such interesting environmental conditions. Do you humans not see the point of using a board to smack people? Several rocks hurled at the same time produce the same effect as any gun or knife. Humans tend to complicate matters, and I cannot conceive why people have chosen to use themselves to bring down each other.
iCcollege: You are very informative.
Alien: Thank you. Of course, I’ve studied for many Earth years. I’ve also used my law-oriented mind to train others in the methods of observing the possible criminal. I’ve aspired to understand all but a sliver of what confounds human behavior.
iCcollege: Take that as a compliment.
Alien: It is difficult to follow human conduct. As you have learned, in the intergalactic community, we expect minimum standards and require conforming to laws. You humans are quite different in this respect.
iCcollege: The constant question is one of law and order.
Alien: Agreed. I’ve spent several years, looking for that order, and will continue to do so with knife laws, even in Delaware.
iCcollege: Be safe while searching.
Alien: I always am.