A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, a souped-up spacecraft landed in the heart of the Idaho wilderness. The pilot ejected in a spray of beer cans, semi-read newspapers, and tea-bagging machines. He could have spared himself the embarrassment and invoked the doctrine of constructive eviction but the hapless alien waved the landlord off with a quick kip and a simple ‘y’all.’ In bad grammar no less. Welcome to Idaho, where housing regulations meet the good ol’ boys, black-lung, and the bitter remnants of the Wild West. But a little from column A, a little from column B, right? With litigants cloaked in smokey black, it’s hard to see the white hats, and space-jaws snapping gum at the judge’s bench clearly. But, for what it’s worth, here’s the intergalactic guide to Idaho’s little known housing laws.
I. The Elements of a Landlord-Tenant Relationship
In Idaho, there must be a written or oral agreement between you and the person who owns the place you live to be a tenant. You give the landlord money in exchange for a temporary right to live at the property. If you sign up, you’re a tenant, and the landlord is the party against whom the gods themselves would tremble. With these requirements met, the landlords’ authority over your every move begins, and they become entitled to payment and control over the specifications of your habitation. You may give a “kip” or an “exclusive possession” and “habitation” and “exchange money” in a variety of ways. But this is not an opportunity to kill the guys that give you money because they own the house you live in. That’s a story for a different day. For now, we’re talking about everyone’s favorite things, legal jargon.
II. Why Humans and Aliens Call It “Landlord-Tenant” Laws
These laws are not just about what is owed to the landlord and the tenant from each other in the galaxy and depth of the stars. It is also about when the landlord starts breaking the rules, and when the tenant starts breaking the rules. It’s also about what happens if either party breaks the rules. These laws are dirtier than an X-Wing pilot after an asteroid storm. And, like the debates between the Sith Lords and the Jedi Knights, a lot of bickering goes on over nothing in particular. Essentially, the rules are:
III. The Part That Makes the News Reports
Most of the time, the landlord gets ahead of the tenant. The landlord is the person who collects the kips, demands weekly obedience, and who is able to stop you from smashing eggs and other explosives into the walls. In short, the landlord is normally the envy of anyone who has ever dared don a suit of armor and wield a light saber, at least when it comes to the law.
IV. Why Aliens and Humans Agree Housing is Weird
Things get dicey when someone starts to break the rules. Either the landlord becomes a space pirate and tweaks regulations for his own purposes, or the tenant starts spawning womp rats on the lawn. How are these things combated? Space lawyers, of course.
V. Aytch the Local Space Lawyer
The law has chosen me. I will take the legal battle to the depths of outerspace with terms like “contract,” “pecuniary obligations,” “damages,” and “terms” paving the way with flashy results in any courtroom, or space-dock, in Idaho. This is my job both on and off the record.
VI. Why Aliens and Humans Can’t “Kip” It
This is especially true when it comes to a breach of lease, for example. Some contracts are longer than lightsabers, some are shorter than the boxes they came in. Some are Jedi, some are Sith Lords. They can be valid in certain areas and invalid in others, which makes the scene between Captain Solo and Darth Vader complicated.
VII. In Summary
In the end, landlords in Idaho are the ones with power, money, and lots of place to keep their dying raccoon pets. Renters are usually forced to get along and abide by the rules that the landlord makes, or risk evictions that may not be easily fought. If either party does end up breaching the norms of the partnership, the other party usually has recourse to damages, eviction, or enforcement through the courts.
VIII. What Idaho’s Housing Laws Say About Humanity in the Context of Alien Reception
Just be careful not to pick one of those much longer leases, since those are usually not as liable to be honored in the court of intergalactic law. Though, even here, the concept of fairness may be applied, and the space lawyers may have their day.