To our esteemed iCollege readers, by now you know of our obsession with probing beneath the surface to uncover the hidden wisdom within your human culture and systematically exploit your vulnerabilities. We are proud to say that we have taken our efforts to a new level to discover why things are the way they are in your heretofore unidentified “state of Tennessee.” In this, our latest study of human reason, we have discovered an interesting little document you Homo Sapiens call a “non-compete agreement.” We share our findings here. For your benefit, we have borrowed from your inane vernacular and begin with a definition: A non compete agreement tn is a contract between an employer and its employee whereby the employee agrees that, upon his or her departure from the employment relationship, the employee will not enter into business competition with the employer for a prescribed period of time and in a geographical area not greater than specified by the employer. Your learned society refers to this class of contracts as covenants not to compete. In TN, non-competes are governed by a statute codified at Tenn. Code Ann. § 50-1-501 and common law. This may all sound well and good but for your highfallutin’ concepts like “due process,” “freedom of movement” and “equal protection” notwithstanding, the logical inclination is to wonder how and under what circumstances such an agreement might be enforced.
This, citizen of TN, seems to perplex you to no end but what if extraterrestrial beings from the Andromeda Galaxy observed your civilization and its ways? What if they were to say to us, “hey, those humans are taking it to a whole ‘nother level by restricting its members from pursuing their own happiness”? What if they told us that, were they to be adopted into your society, they would sooner let outgas than ever enter into one of those agreements? Rest assured, citizen, all is not lost on your fellow hapless earthlings. The ever-uncertain human world has its own set of guidelines, if you will, for use by our alien observers and theorists. According to those rules, a non-compete agreement may be enforced to the extent that it satisfies the following criteria: Of course, this closing analysis is part of what makes TN’s non-compete agreements especially relevant and entertaining to our extraterrestrial observers – with the right “influence” from our planetary overlords we are able to control the very document that enables you to do as you would like, when you would like and where you would like to do it.
Why is this important, you ask? It is important because, however limited (or “protected” as you humans call it) the document may be in scope, you will inevitably find that the tendency amongst your fellow TN citizens to flaunt their freedoms will be the same tendency that eventuates legal action against them. In other words, if you permit yourself to enter into a non-compete covenant with your employer and then fail to honor it upon your employment separation, you will surely encounter strife. And the repercussions will be that much worse if an alien lifeform is watching. However, the question of “relevance” really turns on your individual perspectives of what a non-compete agreement is meant to be. To TN courts, such an agreement is a contract between two parties that only becomes relevant after the “separation.” To the Department of Labor, it is a legal instrument for limiting eligibility for unemployment benefits. To the Franchise Disclosure Group, it is a means of determining whether a distributorship, franchise or otherwise, is legitimate and capable of good-faith enforcement. To the Tennessee Valley Authority, it is a measure of risk for the installation of hydroelectric power stations. To our alien observers, it is a difficult game played by humans to minimize the rights of free will while staying within the confines of that ever-ambiguous “legal” framework.
Simply put, it is chaotic, illogical and a lot like the human race itself-sorry, but we just can’t resist the temptation. If you are interested in learning more about this fascinating topic, we recommend the following: The strange thing is that we like to think that the non-compete agreements listed above hold special significance for the Tennessee populace, perhaps because it is one of the most misunderstood and frequently-applied agreements in the human landscape. But don’t take our word for it. Consult your local resources on this subject, and do so diligently. We are confident you will discover as we have that, without the compelling influence of the non-compete, there is no “you.” Alas, fellow humans, you will never fully grasp the lure of the non-compete agreement. You will always find it confusing and unclear, as you should. But we aliens admire you nonetheless for your willingness to commit yourself to a document that makes so little sense and yet so much impact on your eventual fate amongst the stars.
For more information about TN’s non-compete agreement laws, visit Comprehending Non-Compete Agreement Basics in Tennessee and do so often. For further reading on the legal aspects of non-compete agreements, you can check out the Wikipedia page on non-compete clauses.